what have you done now? zutara
by wolfemoon64
Summary: a long fanfiction, based on the zuko/katara relationship after the series.
1. Chapter 1

Mai and I are together. We have been together for over a year, but even I have to admit┘it▓s just┘..just not working. Nothing has changed between us, she is still just as blah, as she always was, which is cute, but tiresome. I am continuously busy trying to make peace, and on the odd occasion visiting the tea shop. Though, I have other reasons for visiting my uncle▓s tea shop.  
A very pretty reason.  
Oh, who the hell am I kidding?  
When Mai is gone for awhile it▓s not her that I think about. I am the reason WE are not working out. I can go days without truly thinking of Mai, but I can not go a day without thinking about her.  
Katara. Just thinking her name is a relief. Like the water she bends, her name, her face, her very scent seems to wash over me at odd moments.  
I am sitting in my study contemplating her even now, even though I have documents, treaties, and other things that seem to pale in comparison to the thought of her swirling in my head.  
The dark reds and browns of my private study are comforting they soothe me, but they also remind me of a different time, when I was just an angry prince, looking to restore my honor.  
Azula was right about one thing.  
I have to restore my own honor.  
And I have.  
So now what?

Would you mind if I hurt you?

I▓ll save you from the pirates.  
What a dorky thing to say. I think back on it and have to beat myself up over it. I blackmailed her and tried to manipulate her. I hurt her, for my own purposes. Just like my father. I thought she was pretty even then. Nah...Who am I kidding? I thought she was beautiful, even back then. But my mind had been too focused on just one thing. The avatar, and my honor, I wanted to be back someplace where I would belong. I belong in the fire nation, protecting my country, and my people, I have what I need by my side.  
Just not who I need.  
At the siege of the north, I attacked her, and stole the avatar. I fought her, and hurt her, but even as we fought I was in awe. Back then, she wasn▓t particularly powerful bender. But I could see the power in her, the potential, each move of her arms, was beautiful, precise and free. She had the potential to be a waterbending master, no, not a master, a waterbending legend.  
Back then I had hurt her very much, but she paid me back after she caught up with me, and knocked me out in one blow. I considered us even back then, when I had taken off. I was so wrong. Even then I knew it; I just didn▓t want to recognize it.

Understand that I need to The flame in my study gutters almost going out. I glance up at the minuscule flame and it stops. Almost as if my intense gaze is what keeps it going. The glow reminds me of the cave that I ended up in. the first time I had really gotten to know her. After I had first been betrayed by Azula, though that was no surprise. I was thrown unceremoniously into a dank cave lit up with green crystals, and landed at her feet.  
She was very angry with me and I understand why, I do now at least. When she screamed then I told her she did not understand. She was not only voicing her personal anguish, but the voice of the people too. The only thing I thought back then was that she did not understand that the common people could never understand my plight. I was wrong.  
When she told me of her mother, I was shocked it was indeed destiny for me to find someone else who shared a pain that was similar to mine. To top it all off she offered me something I had truly wanted. She would try and heal my scar. In the end I still betrayed her, and hurt her once again. This time her bending was very skilled. She was much improved, but then so was I.  
That day I had ruined everything between us, though at the time it wasn▓t much.  
When I finally joined her and the avatar, Aang it was with a new heart, that day my life truly began. At first I missed Mai but the truth is, I had longed to see katara▓s face. Her blue eyes that had once gazed at me so intensely, those gentle hands that had so tenderly touched my face, yet powerful enough to bring tidal waves crashing down upon an enemy she was the person I wanted to see most. I was however severely disappointed. She hated me or so I thought. I focused ob my duties to the avatar until I found a way I could help her. Together we tracked down the southern raiders, the group of fire nation soldiers, who at my fathers command had killed her mother. When we arrived at the ship she used a technique that frightened me to the very core of my being. She bent this man▓s body through his blood. That thought terrified me; she could at anytime do that to me or anyone. She was indeed very powerful We found the man who killed her mother, and confronted him; she was beautiful and terrifying in her anger. When she stopped the rain all around us she was so beautiful I was in shock, I truly realized then that I was in love with her; it was the way I felt about Mai but so much more intense an all-consuming fire within me. She forgave that man I was shocked, would I be able to do that, in the end? Could I forgive those who had made my life hell?  
She was indeed a strong woman, I should have expected as much coming from the woman who taught Aang. When we returned she ran into my arms shocking me, I caught a fain scent of an ocean breeze, and was able to wrap my arms around her for only second before she pulled away, telling me she had forgiven me. I was overwhelmed with a feeling I hadn▓t known that was weighing me down.  
I was forgiven.  
Oh, thank you, Katara. I had not known I needed that but I had.

After awhile we searched for that avatar together when he disappeared. and protested our feelings, or at least mine. I could not confess my feelings to her, not on the eve of Sozin▓s comet. Not on the eve of war, I was not that childish. We went and saw that play, and I blushed through the parts with us, I was pleased when she did as well, and I was content to sit by her. During that play I realized something else; Aang was in love with her.  
I could not steal his woman, he was the avatar, and he needed her more than I did. Even though I knew that, I hurt so badly.  
I sighed, shuffling the papers on my desk trying to focus on them, but I couldn▓t. I stared into the flame with a pen poised to sign something, and spaced off. I couldn▓t stop thinking about her, and the decision I had to face now. ⌠I swear■ I mumbled ⌠facing Azula was easier than this.■ Azula.  
That last battle with her was the most difficult, I was facing everything. My past, my pain, the rejection, all of it. At that time I knew I could let it all go, when I fought her I felt exalted that I knew I could win, I knew the real meaning of fire-bending, I had let go of my pain, I was ready to face Azula. She knew it, and like the conniving snake she was she attacked my heart, like always.  
When she cast that lightning at Katara, I knew, without a doubt, that I had to save her. There was no other thought in my head. I screamed, ⌠Nooo!!■ and ran in front all I saw was a bolt of blue and Azula▓s psychotic face, twisted in an insane pleasure. Katara▓s face, what I could of it was shock, and surprise. I felt the lighting jolt up my arm, and I pulled it to myself I knew where it was going, to my heart. The pain was intense my whole body was absorbed with it, seconds of my life were gone in a wash of pain, I had rolled over, Katara was now fighting Azula, I struggled to reach out to her, I could not let her fight alone, I had to protect her I had thought. What a dumb way to think I knew she could protect herself, but still, I wanted┘.  
It doesn▓t matter.■ I sighed out loud ⌠not now, anyways.■ ⌠What doesn▓t matter zu-zu?■ a female voice said behind me. I got up quickly, my velvet robe swishing around me, and stared at the woman who had once stirred my affections.  
⌠Mai.■

Wish that I had other choices She stood there in her regular clothes, even this late at night. They suited her well, and hid her numerous knives, shuriken and other dangerous objects. She was holding a tea tray laden with fruits, bread, cheese, and tea. I took a step toward her, but she breezed past me, pushed the papers on my desk aside and sat the tray down. I turned and sighed, as I watched, her move toward me. It was now or never. This was going to hurt.  
⌠Mai.■ I said calmly, but inside I was shaking in fear.  
⌠Yes, zu-zu?■ she said sashaying toward me. That nickname clenched it though.  
⌠Ummm■ I gulped. I still felt for her, but┘ no, I sighed to myself. I have to do this.  
She wrapped her arms around me, and started to lean up for a kiss. I put my hand on her collarbone and gently pushed her, back from her tiptoes. Her face screwed up in a rare show of emotion, surprise. ⌠What▓s wrong?■ she asked, ⌠is it that I called you zu-zu?■ she said worriedly ⌠No■ I said exasperatedly, ⌠I mean yes! that▓s part of it, at least a little.■ I stumbled over what I was trying to say. She pulled her hands down and stared at me. There was a moment of silence between us. I stared at her, and really looked at her. Her amber colored eyes were staring at me in the beginnings of fear and confusion her long hair hung in it▓s usual style, it was practical, and pretty to a point, but it did not always suit her. She was pretty and always would be, but she did not stir my heart, not as she did when we were kids.  
Not after I had fought with and beside Katara.  
I was sad and regretful but I knew, and I knew from the look Mai was giving me that she knew too. She was trembling and afraid, finally showing her emotions in front of someone.  
⌠Zuko...■ she said reaching up to touch my face, the same way Katara once had. I grabbed her slim pale hand and stopped her. ⌠Zuko■ she said again, ⌠please, tell me what▓s wrong tell me there is something┘■ she said trailing off ⌠I haven▓t said anything.■ I told her calmly. She bowed her, so that her hair hung in her eyes, not allowing me to see them. ⌠You never needed to.■ I knew then that she was crying, but she wouldn▓t let me see. She never would again. I knew.  
⌠I wish that I had other choices.■ I told her, as if that would make things better.

Than to hurt the one I love

Mai▓s head jerked up and she glared at me tears sliding slowly down her eyes. ⌠You do have other choices!!■ her voice rose with each word. ⌠You could stay with me!■ ⌠Mai, I ┘■ I started to say ⌠You what Zuko?■ Mai said hoarsely ⌠why are you even doing this? What have I done that deserves this?■ My eyes shot up into my hairline, I had let my hair, down and at its new length (shoulder height) it was getting in my face. I brushed it aside as I chewed over my thoughts. This wasn▓t going like I had planned. I hadn▓t expected her to be so explosive over it. Of course I hadn▓t really expected to start it this out of the blue either. ⌠Mai┘┘it wasn▓t ...it isn▓t ┘..■ I said hesitantly ⌠Oh...what Zuko?! It is not me it it▓s you?!■ she stormed at me ⌠that is so clichИd!!■ she stopped and puffed a little bit. Her hair was coming down from its usual buns, leaving her face framed cutely. I sighed again this was getting harder by the minute. Mai continued to talk one minute angry, then quite, and then imploring me to tell her a way to fix this, slowly whittling away at my resolve.  
I closed my eyes and thought, I needed a memory to strengthen my resolve, and the last part of that battle was a potent enough memory.  
I was beginning to black out; the pain had gotten so bad that I was numb all over, the next thing I knew Katara was taking up most of my vision. I hear the sound of rushing water like a river or a spring; she was biting her lip in worry. It was adorable, and sad. The pain in my chest lessened, then ceased.  
⌠Thank you, Katara.■ I told her, those first words out of my mouth, I had almost died.  
Idiot. That▓s not what I had meant to say.  
⌠I think I▓m the one who should be thanking you.■ She said to me tears running down her face.  
She was so beautiful, but I did not reach out to her, I did not hold her like I wanted to.  
She was Aang▓s. My heart told me different. ⌠Zuko!■ Mai▓s voice shot sharply through my memories. I looked at her and into her, eyes. She grabbed my wrists, and gripped them. ⌠Is there anyway we can be together, any way at all?■ ⌠┘no.■ I said to her after a short pause.  
⌠Fine, I know enough about you not to keep going■.■ She sighed, this time, finally her tears stopped. Her eyes were wet still.  
What have you done now?

⌠Goodbye Zuko.■ She said releasing my wrists she stood and stared at me.  
⌠Mai...■ I said reaching out for her.  
⌠No Zuko.■ She said, shaking her head her tears falling again. She was so pretty and at this moment so helpless I didn▓t mean to hurt her. We had been through a lot together, but I knew I didn▓t love her as much as I did Katara. I didn▓t want to hurt the one I used to love. Without realizing hot scalding tears rushed down my face. I opened my mouth too apologize, but what could I really say to make it better.  
⌠You▓re the one breaking up with me.■ Mai choked out, almost in a half-laugh. ⌠You▓re not supposed to be crying.■ She grabbed my hand and looked me in the eye she took two fingers and put them on my lips.  
⌠I loved you Zuko, but I don▓t want you to lie to me, I▓m glad that you haven▓t, but I▓m not going to forgive you this time.■ Her tears fell faster, she moved, her hand sliding out of mine and I turned to watch her go. She held her head high as she walked out, though I knew she was still crying, I knew once that wooden door closed behind her, she would run, and a part of me would run with her. Not, the most important part though, that part belonged to someone else. 


	2. Chapter 2

Before I met Aang my life was boring, monotonous even. I spent my days educating myself in water bending by listening to the tales my elders told, and helping the villagers in small ways. I sat day by day and longed for a way to change the world, to help people, and also┘ seething in anger and frustration about my mother▓s death.  
The day I met Aang it all changed, I knew that all I hoped for was in sight. Everything I hoped for has happened. The fire lord has been defeated, I have become a strong bender, and furthermore a strong women. But Aang wasn▓t the only one who was a key instrument in this. There was another person as well.  
I moved the linen sheets of my bed aside and sighed. For some reasons on this night I couldn▓t think of anyone but him.  
Zuko.  
The thought of him burned through my mind and left no room for any other thought.  
Why did I think of Zuko? Why did I torture myself with thoughts and memories of him, when I was with Aang? I loved Aang, I▓ve told myself that all along, and it tastes true. So why do I keeping circling back to Zuko? I tip toed out of bed and walked to the sliding door in my room. Everything I wanted was accomplished I was happy, or at least content. So why do I still feel empty I pondered. I slid the door open, and grabbed a light green robe hanging on a nook by the door.  
I was living in Ba sing se with Toph. Her family was accepting of me that had let me live with them in the hopes that, quote■ your influence will help our daughter become a strong yet, civilized lady.■ I think however that it was an excuse, having the avatar girlfriend living with you reflected well on you politically. I agreed because I was looking for more to do with my life, and because my room was right in front of their very large, and beautiful Koi pond. The moon reflected off it beautifully and I sat myself down and watched the fish swirl in the pond as I thought. I have already accomplished what I had wanted to do. I had even confronted my mother▓s killer.  
I was content, I had someone I could love, I had helped the avatar to begin to bring peace to the world, and I had learned to be strong in so many ways.  
Everything I wanted was complete.  
So what now?

I know I'd better stop trying

I▓ll save you from the pirates. Those words were so smooth and clichИd, that I almost laughed. I couldn▓t though I was frightened and in some way slightly attracted to such a fierce and frighteningly driven person. He was handsome to me even then, but I was clouded by my hatred for the fire nation, and this person especially, someone who had my mothers necklace. It didn▓t matter know, I was by the avatars side now, where I thought I wanted to be. Know though I wasn▓t so sure it was Aang▓s side I wanted to be by.  
At the siege of the north Zuko tried and succeeded in stealing Aang. Even as we fought I thought he was an amazing fighter a strong but undisciplined bender. I knew in time he would be a great fighter. I fought to protect Aang because I knew in my heart he could save the world. I would be lying however if I didn▓t say I wasn▓t somewhat attracted to Zuko though.  
The glow of the moon was reflected in the pool a Koi fished jumped startling me. The glow of the reflected waver moon reminded me of the cave I had been thrown into. I was frightened I did not know if I was going to die or be left to rot a longer, but slower death. As far as I knew no one even knew where I was. Then a hole opened up and Zuko was thrown in. the last and secretly the first person I wanted to see. I was afraid of being alone with this person, and then without knowing it I blew up. I did not want to see fire nation right now while I was trapped by them, not while I was struggling with my mother▓s death still. I screamed at him, at the son of the fire lord, I threw my emotions on him without thought or mercy. When he spoke to me, for some reason I cooled down, and listened. I would never have done either with Aang, at least not right away it normally would have taken awhile. I realized over the hours we were together, the hours we screamed at each other in the cave, that he felt some of the same pain as I did. After awhile, I sympathized and then I had an idea, I could help him. I could heal a physical scar, and maybe heal an internal one too. I told him that it was a possibility, and his face lit up with a hope and desperation that I didn▓t think any one from the fire nation could possess, it made me realize that they too were human. I reached up too touch his face, the skin was smooth and soft it stirred something in me I couldn▓t recognize.  
Then Aang broke in and I ran to his side without thought. We left and what happened later┘. What happened is that Zuko broke something in me. He betrayed me and tried to kill Aang. I used the water to save Aang.

You know that there's no denying

After that I refused to think about him. I stuck by Aang and clung to the fortune teller▓s promise. I would marry a powerful bender, and who was more powerful than Aang? I sighed and stood form the porch, I quietly stepped down off the porch, and gently quietly stood on the one of the big rocks surrounding the pond. ⌠Aang..■ I whispered into the night air. I was so scared when I thought you were going to die, but┘ why do, even now I not feel so┘painfully, about you? I can hold your hand, let you wrap your arms around me and hold me tight, but still you don▓t make my heart throb or my mind race as much as that fire bender.  
I spent months by his side but I still remained confused. Aang kissed me the day before the invasion, and though surprised, it was nothing more than a mashing together of lips.  
I thought about Zuko, I wondered what would happen if he were there. How would I react? What would I do? No, I had told myself then. I must focus on Aang, this invasion, helping my father defeat the fire lord. Not about some wayward prince. I tried to deny what I felt but it just wasn▓t working. I couldn▓t stop thinking about Zuko.

I won't show mercy on you now

After the invasion failed, miserably we fled with those we could. However, who was to show up but Zuko?! He was awkward this time, and asking for forgiveness. His voice drew across my heartstrings, but this also angered me, why should I care about some stupid idiot, who betrayed me and killed some one I cared for? I hit him with as much force as I could, but I couldn▓t truly hurt him.  
I know I should stop believing

Even after he had destroyed demolition man, and joined the group I still did not believe in him. I wanted to but I refused to, I did not want to get hurt again, or get Aang hurt for that matter.  
So I threw my anger in his face and stormed away. Later I felt so bad that I went to his room, I was going to apologize. When I walked into his room however, I was met with a surprise. Zuko standing near the window, the setting sun washing his room in color and bathing him in light. My heart slammed in my chest, and continued to beat harder as I saw his face light up and a smile play across his lips. No! My mind screamed, but my heart beat yes! This feeling was almost overwhelming┘ I threatened him. I could not help it. I could not let him now how I felt. I had to stop believing in this person.

I know that there's no retrieving

Then came the day that Zuko said he may know who killed my mother. Everything came to a head with that sentence. The southern raiders, I knew right away that Aang would not understand the lust fro revenge. He proved that by whining and nagging at me, he tried to wheedle me out of it but I refused. I needed to do this, someone had to avenge her. Why not her daughter? Zuko surprised me when he stood up for me against Aang, but with revenge so close at hand my mind was clouded. We traveled all night, I stayed up and thought. At one point I turned to look at Zuko as he slept. My breath caught in my throat he was handsome, and innocent in his sleep. I turned my head, with my heart in my throat. Now was not the time to think of that. When I finally met the man who killed my mother I was disappointed and disgusted. I left him there and flew back in a companionable silence. With Aang I wouldn▓t have been able to do that, he would have been so happy that I had forgiven the man or that I had let go. I did not need that now and Zuko understood that. I knew I could forgive him now. He had helped me overcome something that had shadowed me my entire life.  
Impulsively I ran into his arms and hugged him, I felt his arms circle around me, and for one single moment I felt peace I pulled away and managed not to run back to my tent, instead I walked away with my head held high.

It's over now

I swished my feet in the Koi pond, and they swirled around my toes playfully. ⌠What can I do?■ I whispered to the fish and dipped my hand in the water. ⌠It▓s been a year since, and I am still confused.■ One of the fish poked its head out of the water, and then rolled back in it, almost like a dog cocking its head to the side.  
The last battle with Azula was frightening. Zuko was amazing and strong he fought his sister with all he had, but managed to keep a level head. I couldn▓t imagine fighting a family member that way. I had known that Zuko had a hard life, but this psychotic woman was proof of it. I stood on the sidelines anxious, waiting to help Zuko if it got to out of hand.  
It did.  
Azula shot lightining at me. I was stunned, I did not know the laws of Agni Kai but I knew that this was breaking them. I paused in shock for too long. Zuko ran forward and was hit instead. My mind screamed wordlessly in shock I ran toward him but Azula stopped me. We fought and while we fought I felt pity, even for her. I froze her and chained her down. Then I released the water and ran to her side. I drew the water and focused my healing abilities to the burn on his chest. Heal him oh, please heal him. I begged myself. I clenched my eyes and hoped with all my heart.  
⌠Thank you katara.■ He said when he opened his eyes. My heart sunk, those were not the words I had wanted to hear. Teazrs slid put of my eyes before I had a chance to stop them. He was okay. ⌠ I think I▓ m the one who should be thanking you.■ Those were not the words I wanted to say.

What have you done?

Slap! The sound of a sliding door closing shook me out of my revierie. I opened my eyes, and stood I turned around, expecting to see Toph. Her room was only two rooms up from mine, and she and I spoke often. The light pattering of feet that I hear was not Toph▓s though it was familiar. Aang came into view. I stood quickly. ⌠Aang!■ I called out. He stopped in surprise, his orange and yellow robes swished around him, he was holding his glider in one hand, and looked at me in surprise. ⌠katara?■ he said questioningly, ⌠what are you doing out here at night?■ ⌠oh, um┘.■ I said, ⌠uh┘ I was just thinking about things┘■ I paused. He jumped from the porch flew into the air and landed on the rock next to me. ⌠Oh, what are you doing here Aang?■ ⌠hehe■ he said rubbing the back of his head, ⌠I just came to say hi.■ He said weakly. He grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes. At moments like this, he was so sweet. ⌠katara, I▓m gonna be gone for a couple days, and I wanted to come say goodbye. I am going to Omashu to visit Bomi, and the other members of the white lotus, I thought it was something I should be involved in.■ ⌠Yeah.■ I said ⌠ they were meant to help the peace process right? So the avatar should definetly be involved.■ ⌠Thanks katara.■ He said happily he kissed me on the cheek ⌠ You are always so understanding, I▓ll bring you something back!■ this time he pulled me closer and I stumbled a bit, I ended up leaning on his chest as he held me floating a bit so that he was actually taller than i. I blinked, then looked up into his eyes. Why can▓t I go with you, I wanted to ask, but I was giving him his space, i did not want to cling to him, or be irritating. I could figure something to do out in the city. Aang bent closer and smiled. I held back a sigh, and he kissed me. It was jus a gentle press of lips, nothing more. Then he pulled away. I dropped his hand quickly, and felt a twinge of relief. ⌠ ▒kay, I▓m gonna go know.■ Aang said, looking at me a little bit puzzled.. ⌠ love you katara!■ he said.  
⌠Love you too.■ I said slowly. I knew he sensed my heasitancy but for once he didn▓t say anything. Instead he turned and took off his feet lightly touching the planks as he dashed around the corner and out of sight.  
I turned around, still standing on the rock. ⌠why can▓t you take me with you?■ I asked the wind, as if it could carry his answer back to me. I wrapped my arms around myself to ward off the chill wind, that had suddenly sprung up.

What have you done now?

After awhile I gently stepped down from the rock, flashing a little leg, luckily know one was around to see. I reveled in the feel of the soft dirt on my bare feet before stepping on the wooden planks.  
I glanced down the open hallway toward Toph▓s room. I looked blankly at it. Had Aang come out of Toph▓s room at this hour? No┘ he was probably just saying goodbye to her, I thought sadly. There was no reason to be suspicious of anything just because we were dating. I knew Aang too innocent to go beyond kissing, but even kissing another person┘.no, I shook my head. I pulled the door open to my room and walked in, sliding it closed. I pulled off the robe and let it drop to the floor.  
⌠He probably wasn▓t in Toph▓s room at all.■ I said to no one in particular. ⌠there is no reason for me to be paranoid, and even if he was he was just saying goodbye to a friend.■ I repeated differently, and kept repeating to myself as I climbed into bed. I pulled the covers over my head and thought. I did not go to sleep until I heard birds chirruping outside. 


End file.
